I find I am censoring my words, even my writing, and I have to force myself to think and express, where appropriate, freely. There has always been a lot I didn’t say because, as much as I joke, I do have a filter, but this is different.
There’s a self pubbed author who shall remain nameless, but I reviewed her book once. She wrote a series in which she went for the gold. She took it to the board. I mean she challenged the way romance is written , and then the reviews came in.
The next thing she did is try to redeem the characters, but you couldn’t. They hadn’t done anything wrong, until they gave each other up when the sister was discovered to be alive. Suddenly, they were weak, and this amazing heroine who was about to rise up as a freaking feminist ICON was once again just the chick who needed the man.
I don’t want to do that. I’m not trying for the NYT bestseller list here. That’s not the goal. It would be great to turn a profit doing something I love. It would be awesome to see my books successful, but that’s not really the goal. I want to write feels.
The human experience is this wide, rich tapestry of emotions that all blend together to make us into stories. That’s what I want to write, a tapestry. Yeah, yeah, poetic and naive all at the same time.
But, but, NO. Sometimes, it just is because I say so, and that’s what I’m censoring. Especially, in the romance. I’ve caught myself second guessing everything, every word and every touch.
So, my new resolution is to stop censoring everything, and write like nobody’s watching. It’s not just about getting our rocks off, is it? It’s about real romance, genuine feelings, and awesome space explosions. It’s also about pulling back the hood on a character and seeing what’s in there, what makes them run.